The boundary between romantic love with another person and the ability to love myself is worth discussion. The number one question to my mind is where I need to draw the line between receiving love from others verses receiving it from myself. To what extent do I rely on others when I should be relying on myself, and when should I be relying on others instead of on me?
The answer to this question is easier than it appears. The boundary between the two isn’t based on behavior, but on feeling. Whether I give to others or to myself doesn’t matter. What matters is the spirit in which I give. There are some levels of learning in which I need to receive love from others. There are others that I’ve graduated to receiving them from myself. But it’s the warmth and regard with which I give that determines the success of my endeavors.
Granted I’ve given my love to others only to have it spurned. And then in retrospect I’ve seen that I would have been better off had I relied on myself instead. The pain of rejection and the bitterness of disappointment can’t always be avoided. But in a larger sense, my lack of romantic success can be an impetus to hold myself with more regard. What was more common in the past was that the rejection I suffered at the hands of others instigated similar thoughts and feelings. I used their rejection of me to do the same to myself.
It’s so much harder to love myself all the more when the world doesn’t. This is the great challenge of my life. So long as I’m able to pick myself up, kiss myself where it hurts and encourage me to keep going, it doesn’t really matter why I fell or who pushed me. The lesson lies in the loving kindness I make sure I receive from me.
I don’t feel responsible for other people’s cruelty. It’s not my job to punish them for hurting me. It’s my job to make sure I don’t punish me for them having punished me. This is an important axiom of sex-love.
Feelings of being victimized come up for me when I don't get what I want. I find it difficult for my self-esteem to grow if I feel that I’ve been hurt by others. Getting what I want makes me feel good; not getting what I want makes me feel victimized.
What's important for me to remember is that I'm a student of self-love and life is my classroom. Not getting what I want is the result of an assignment not properly completed, a test not passed with flying colors. It requires that I go back and study.
Feeling like a victim is the feeling that alerts me to the fact that I've got more studying to do to pass the class I'm in. It's an uncomfortable feeling that becomes more manageable when I understand what the message is that comes from it.
Self-love can be enhanced through romantic love. I can feel like I'm floating on air when I'm in love with another person. But I can't rely on them to love me in place of me loving myself. And if they don't hold me as I'd like to be held, I have to remember that the feelings I'm going through indicate that an issue of self-love is really what's being stressed in my curriculum.
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