Don't Tell Me What To Do!

  In Hebrew and the Romantic languages there are two words for the one word in English "to tell." One verb is used in expressions like, "Don't tell me what to do." Nobody likes to be "told" anything these days, and I'm certainly no different in that respect. I didn't like being told what to do when I was a child, and nothing has changed since then. It's not surprising to me that the word in French for this meaning of "to tell" is "demander." I feel like people are demanding things of me when they tell me anything.

  But the other verb for "to tell" in other languages translates clearly in the sentence, "Tell me a story." It has the meaning of "to recount." In fact, in Portuguese the word "contar" means to count and to tell. And this has great spiritual connotations that we miss in English because we don't "count" our stories. We "tell" them.

  To explain myself here I have to go back to mystical Judaism where the word and explain another word, the word "rina." "Rina" translates as "The Song of God." In mystical Judaism God sings His song to humanity, a song like any other that is made up of a melody and lyrics. The melody of God's song, however, is "heard" by the heart. We call it our feelings. And the lyrics of God's song and the do's and don't that we're "told" to obey. Everyone wants to learn the melody; nobody much cares for the lyrics...

  When a story is "recounted" to us our heart immediately begins to count the mystical beat, the rhythm of God's song. We want to enjoy the feelings we perceive that come to us when we're told a story. Music, art, dance, sculpture - these are all ways in which we learn to count the rhythm of God's melody. There is a mystical beat in all the arts that we perceive with the heart.

  Nobody wants to be told what to do, and yet everyone wants to be told what to do. This is an enigmatic perspective that can't be fully expressed in English. We all want to feel deeply and passionately about life. Yet nobody wants to be told what to do.

  The problem of not liking being told what to do can't be avoided. I've tried to tell myself what I need to do, and it hasn't worked either. I won't even let ME tell me what to do! And this is a problem that can't be solved with self-love.

  As much as I love myself, I still won't listen to me if I try to tell myself what to do. It didn't work with dieting. It didn't work with trying to talk myself out of the men I loved. My feelings are my feelings, and they aren't going to change just because I "demand" it of myself. I also tried begging, asking nicely, giving myself ultimatums and bribes. I'm incorrigible. Nothing helped! 

  I have to be told a story. I have to listen to the melody of life and count the beat in a new way. I have to feel differently, but passionately in order to act differently.